Wednesday, February 8, 2012

How to Become Rich as an Alternative School Teacher

Most of you know veteran teachers make a decent living, but they work a lot of hours for the pay they receive. My technical work day is 7:45-2:45, but I really work 7-3, and then again at home each night from 9-11 (with Facebook breaks) and another 8 hours or more on weekends, plus lesson planning and curriculum writing in the summer.  When you break it down hourly, my pay is not actually a lot....I'm over minimum wage, but not by much!

Today, I had an epiphany.  If someone had been looking at me at the precise moment this thought dawned on me, they would have seen a little light bulb over my head. I know how to get rich working in an alternative school. It's quite simple, really.  We just need to change the pay schedule from salary to something akin to piecework. I would like to be paid by the "fuck you."

Actually, not just the f-you, but really any curse word or personal insult.  If I were compensated in this manner, at $25 per incident, I would have made approximately $625 today. I don't know how many of you out there are teachers, but those of you who are will agree that that sum is slightly higher than the sum we normally make. Do the math, and you will see that students cursed at me (not around me, AT me) 25 times today. Now granted, it is a full moon, so this was a little excessive. There are days when I would only make $75 or so...but lots of days, I'd be rolling in the dough.

This pay schedule would do more than raise my would hold teachers in alternative schools accountable.  I have found that in my experience, I get cursed out when I am asking kids to learn something new that they might be unfamiliar with, when I am holding them accountable for some socially unacceptable behavior, when I am pushing them to stay on task, and when I am making them take an honest look at themselves and where they stand in the world. So if you think about it, the best teachers in alternative schools are getting cursed out the most and will therefore reap the financial benefits of pushing their students to be the best people they can be.

I think I will take this plan to the White House.  It's definitely better than No Child Left Behind and Race to the Top.

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